By Fr. Jerry Pokorsky ( bio – articles – email ) | Aug 12, 2024
Scrutinize the words of Jesus in the Gospel. He’s not a gossip. He speaks compelling words of truth. He confronts the Pharisees directly and, echoing John the Baptist, courageously indicts them as a “brood of vipers.” He takes accountability for every word. He warns His disciples of the wiles of Herod, referring to him as a fox. When He asks the Twelve, “Who do men say that I am?” He elicits their honest opinion. But we often are chatterboxes in contrast—sometimes sinful gossips.
Jesus teaches practical interrelationship skills: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” (Mt. 18:15-17) Imagine the clergy abiding by these words!
St. Paul encourages us to overcome the malice of gossip: “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God… Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you… and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Eph. 4:25-32)
Children usually have an abiding sense that some gossip is malicious and violates God’s law. But it seems we become anesthetized to the increasing seriousness of gossip as we grow older. We may begin to overlook our routine sinful gossip that becomes more poisonous with the expanse of personal encounters. With mental gymnastics, we justify our gossip and usually become aware of the evil in retrospect.
Honest humor has a legitimate place in mitigating unpleasant realities. As a child, I remember my grandfather “chewing the fat” (as they said back then) with an old friend, Whistler, in the backyard, listening to the Milwaukee Braves game on the tube radio. Whistler was a kindly man. He earned the name because his front teeth were missing (an industrial accident). He took no offense because he knew his friends used the nickname with affection.
Humor often takes the sting out of disagreements. Jesus teases the volatility of James and John as the “sons of thunder.” Winston Churchill described a political opponent as “a modest little person, with much to be modest about.” P.G. Wodehouse is more edgy. He asks, “Well, why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good square look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot.” Oops. Maybe he crossed the line.
Seminarians train themselves in the art of benign—and malignant—gossip. They discuss the grading practices of professors. They learn the boundaries of acceptable social behavior. They size up personalities to get along with them or avoid them.
Priests become experts in the theory and practice of gossip. Their training begins as youngsters in the family. It continues through the seminary and throughout their priestly ministry. There’s no escape. A priest often finds church communities hotbeds of gossip, reflecting his experience and behavior in the seminary. Alas, what goes around, comes around.
Sinful gossip has many expressions: We reveal truths about another person— truths which, in justice, require the protection of silence. We use obnoxious labels, like the Scarlet Letter, to describe a person. We’re afraid to speak to the person directly, so we talk about him behind his back. We take refuge in what others are saying about our enemies. Sinful gossip often expresses catty effeminacy, unbecoming of a man’s character.
Moral theology textbooks give us a list of our violations of the Eighth Commandment:
- Sinful gossip shares information about another person that we have no right to share.
- Slander distorts the truth about another and defames him.
- Backbiting uses information to argue pointlessly and to hurt others.
- Like a comedian, a talebearer enhances accounts to build a good story – except a talebearer isn’t joking.
- A scandal-monger shares information about others to stir up fear and hatred.
The wisdom literature of the Bible repeatedly warns us of the dangers of gossip:
- “A perverse man spreads strife, and a whisperer [gossip] separates close friends.” (Prov. 16:28)
- “You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother’s son.” (Ps. 50:20)
- “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing hidden.” (Prov. 11:13)
- “With his mouth the godless man would destroy his neighbor.” (Prov. 11:9)
- “He who conceals hatred has lying lips, and he who utters slander is a fool.” (Prov. 10:18)
- “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (Prov. 15:4)
- “The words of a whisperer [gossip] are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.” (Prov. 18:8)
- “He who goes about gossiping reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with one who speaks foolishly.” (Prov. 20:19)
Among those childhood flashbacks is a haunting memory of a story told by a grade school religious sister. (Mothers take note.) St. Philip Neri famously assigned the town gossip this penance: Take a feather pillow to the top of the church bell tower, rip it open, and scatter the feathers into the wind. Come down from the bell tower and collect all the feathers blowing in the wind. Good luck.
Our words define us. Jesus teaches: “I tell you, on the day of judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Mt. 12:36-37)
Fr. Jerry Pokorsky is a priest of the Diocese of Arlington who has also served as a financial administrator in the Diocese of Lincoln. Trained in business and accounting, he also holds a Master of Divinity and a Master’s in moral theology. Father Pokorsky co-founded both CREDO and Adoremus, two organizations deeply engaged in authentic liturgical renewal. He writes regularly for a number of Catholic websites and magazines. See full bio.
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