The word ‘place’ can both mislead and make us uncomfortable. I still think we should consider the ‘place’ of man and woman because it makes us reckon with something that demands attention. How to be a man or woman will always be a central feature of becoming who we are. And it’s something we need to figure out.
Think of any past hero or great person today. Being a man or a woman has been refined and developed in that person. Ever so gracefully and naturally, masculinity or femininity is a hallmark of the person’s life.
Human greatness always has the same essential features, such as the cardinal virtues. Yet at the same time, the wise have asserted that these virtues are lived differently by men and women. There is real difference even in the very ‘same’ things: a difference that is meaningful and beautiful, and life-giving. We might think of it as two distinct but complementary modes of human life. Each is equally human. And only through a recognition and living out of the difference will the fullness of human life be enacted.
But why is this difference so difficult to understand and enact? Perhaps if we consider that simply to live a truly human life is an arduous task, we will not be surprised that this too is arduous. A pre-Christian philosopher like Socrates saw that the richness of a good life demands a habit of rigorous reflection and examination. How to be a man or woman must be part and parcel of such examination.
And this especially today—when clamorous voices from all sides decry or deform the stark and beautiful reality of masculinity and femininity. This brings us to the word ‘place.’ Rightly understood, to speak of the ‘place’ of man or woman is to begin with the conviction that we seek something already etched in our nature. This in itself is challenging—just as surely as the truth that there is a human nature at all. There is a deep, perennial temptation to define ourselves and give direction to our life simply based on our subjective desires.
But the truth sets us free. By the ‘place’ of man or woman I mean a set of ways of acting that specifically answer to natural propensities and desires of men and women—even if we have not yet experienced those propensities and desires unique to our sex. Again, discovering and conforming ourselves to these ways of acting, to these ‘lines’ written into us, is often arduous.
Indeed, perhaps most difficult is when the ‘roles’ people speak of as masculine or feminine feel alien or even threatening to us. Here at times the adjective ‘traditional’ in front of the word ‘place’ or ‘role’ is misused or used coercively.
This calls for caution and care. For first, even the voices we expected to show good sense might mislead us. We need to exercise discernment in seeking out sane voices. And second, yes, sometimes the truth that can free us feels threatening and even ugly.
But in the end wisdom is vindicated by her children. By their fruits we will know them. We must persevere with humility, courage, and hope. For the ‘place’ of both man and woman can never be reduced to any physical place—though for both it will certainly involve certain concrete places, such as the home. The true place for men and women is astoundingly rich and beautiful, even while intensely demanding. It is also a very, very happy place, even if also a place of suffering.
Most hopeful is that the place of man and woman is a place—and indeed the only place—where they can really live together. For of course, to be a man or a woman is but a specific way of living for and with others. It’s always about the others, in loving and serving whom as a man or a woman, according to an astounding plan we could never have imagined, we at last become our true selves. ~ ~ ~
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Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.
