‘Husbandry’ and Rethinking a Man’s Bond with his Wife…

We tend to reflect more on the role of man as father than as husband. Rediscovering husbandry goes hand in hand with rediscovering fatherhood. But wait a moment, you immediately wonder; am I making a play on the word ‘husbandry?’ What am I talking about here?

Let’s be clear: the seeming ambiguity in the term is intrinsic to its usage in English. I suggest that rather than dismissing it, we ask what deeper truth is indicated in what might seem a linguistic quirk. Yet obviously many are not thinking this way. I just found this statement at vocabulary.com: “Husbandry has nothing to do with being a husband, and a lot to do with being a farmer.”

Well, there it is. We’ve removed being a ‘husband’ to a wife from our current usage of ‘husbandry,’ so now when we speak of ‘husbandry’ it’s only about agriculture, not marriage. There is more going on here than meets the eye. In reality what happened first went the other direction: we removed the rich art of ‘husbandry’ from what men do. And the result was and is that both are isolated and impoverished: agriculture lost the aspect of being about ‘husbanding’ the land for the sake of people; and being a married man lost the arts of caring for many concrete things, beginning in the home.

Wendell Berry has pointed this out.

“The word husbandry is the name of a connection. In its original sense, it is the name of the work of a domestic man, a man who has accepted a bondage to the household.”

So much here to consider. Husbandry is connection. When a man marries, the primary ‘connection’ in his life should be to his wife. But this connection is part of a web of connections, a web centered in a home they make together. Indeed, because a man binds himself to his wife, he also binds himself to their common home, their shared place in the world. If we unhinge the man from the broader web of connection then we threaten the original, root connection. And we also threaten the other things that call for and indeed demand a husband’s attention.

Berry offers this characterization of husbandry: “it is the art of keeping tied all the strands in the living network that sustains us.” This might seem abstract and a bit wide of the mark; I think rather it goes to the heart of rediscovering and healing masculinity, or more to the point—to healing men; and marriage; and the home.

A true husband tries to keep tied together many things that need to be kept together. Husbandry is a wonderfully vast enterprise that takes care of people, and so takes care of many ‘things’ in human life. A husband in the fullest sense is a man who has fallen in love with a woman, and then discovers that his love for her calls him to that vast enterprise, an enterprise calling for amazing, concrete applications. Imagine a world in which the concrete arts of life are driven by married love! It is always a matter of love, and love brings things together. A married man discovers that his first love does not narrow his life. Rather, by a deep magic the maturation of that love expands his heart, his vision, and the work of his hands to encompass more than he could have imagined.

In short, the seeming ‘ambiguity’ of the word husband points to a great truth: the arts of taking care of material things (in which the land has a unique but certainly not exclusive place) are closely tied to marriage. Somehow a man’s being a husband to his wife—which again is the foundational commitment—calls him to a broader and deeply embodied husbandry. We can rediscover and rethink this husbandry and how to enact it today–first of all for the sake of our marriages. And then for most everything else too.

The loss of such ‘husbandry’ has caused fragmentation and isolation in the life of men, as well as a corresponding fragmentation and isolation of many things, and more importantly people, that need and deserve to be tied together, especially by husbands. At issue here is far more than the concrete arts of caring for land and things. At issue is what it means to be a man. Every man is to be some kind of father. And being a father demands being a husband, in its amazing richness.

What God hath joined together, we can rediscover. We can ‘husband.’  ~ ~ ~

JOIN US IN PERSON TO DISCUSS THIS MORE! LAST WEEK TO SIGNUP: LIFECRAFT DAY AT THE BARN: HUSBANDRY AND WIFERY: RECLAIMING THE PRACTICAL ARTS FOR A FLOURISHING HOUSEHOLD. Join us in the Shenandoah Valley June 29th for talks, fellowship and great food! INFORMATION AND REGISTRATION. Hope to see you there in person!

LATEST PODCAST EPISODE, #6: Feeling Overwhelmed? Strategies for Attaining Peace. Feeling overwhelmed need not overwhelm us, or our marriage. Join Sofia and me as we discuss yet another burning issue. Listen wherever you get your podcasts, or view on Youtube:

Husband, father, and professor of Philosophy. LifeCraft springs from one conviction: there is an ancient wisdom about how to live the good life in our homes, with our families; and it is worth our time to hearken to it. Let’s rediscover it together. Learn more.

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