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“If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,” so sings
our dearly beloved Beyoncé whom I pray finds her way to true femininity and
womanhood. I regret to say that I sang this song many a time with my high
school friends. I never took the time to read the lyrics until now. It returned
to consciousness after a dormant 5 years of living in the convent, or the
“nunnery” as my aunt calls it. But the chant continues in the world between
“all the single ladies,” and “all the single ladies,” spurring on all those who
are looking for that perfect ring and the perfect man and the perfect wedding.
I’ll be honest: I didn’t have much
say over what my wedding looked like- I didn’t even get to approve the program beforehand,
but it was beautiful. If I had to point to the most prevailing moment from my
big day, I would guess that it is the experience of all married couples, it
would be after the beauty of the Mass and the reception, when all the crowd had
left: I was alone with my Spouse Yes, it was in the solitude of the Chapel with
the Tabernacle candle casting a faint glow upon the lattice grille… a time
beyond all others. “My beloved is mine, and I am His…” (Sol. 2:16). That is
what marriage is all about.
We are living in a culture that glorifies the engagement and marriage ceremony. At 5 years of marriage we smile at young families and salute them: “Cute kids! Good luck!” And as the calendar passes 8 years, we respond to marital turmoil exclaiming: “I’m sorry you feel that way!” and hand them a bill of divorce. It is no secret that marriage is rarely lived to its fullness in today’s world. But what does a young single woman given over to the Lord in virginity have to contribute to this discussion? My experience and simply that. When we come to the core of marriage we must ask the redundant two-year-old’s question: “Why?” My response would be that the human heart desires lasting relationship. It is written into our hearts- we were created out of love and created for love. We are made in God’s image (Gen 1:27) and thus are called to mirror that deep love of the Trinity in our relationships. This reality is distinctly expressed in the union of man and woman. However, this expression is not the final end and one day we will be invited into the eternal wedding feast (Rev. 19) but just like the Ten Virgins we will be admitted to that banquet only if we know the Bridegroom and are known by Him.
Questions have a hidden capacity to reveal. When I am looked up and down by a stranger and asked: “So what are you?” I reply, “I am a Sister! I have given my life over to Jesus Christ. I am married to Jesus…” The first part people get, but the part about being married to Jesus usually provokes a blank look of disbelief. I don’t blame them because I sound insane and sometimes feel insane proclaiming that reality! Really, who claims that they are married to Jesus Christ? I am amused by the frequent follow-up question from my new friend, “So, you don’t get married and have kids?” A good clarification to make! All of these externals accentuate the truth of the matter. I believe that our mission field as consecrated religious is to highlight the reality of life after death and the reality of the universal call of the Shepherd for the conversion of the flock. You see, we can be eccentric in an eccentric world, but our lives stay removed from those we encounter unless we invite them to meet our Spouse. When they see the sign of our consecration (our religious habit instead of a wedding ring) we are called to invite them to meet our Spouse who always accompanies His bride.
I find it ironic that Jesus speaks of the Kingdom of Heaven as being a wedding feast. We love weddings because of the fresh love of the bride and bridegroom. As a Church we are all called to take on the reality of being the Bride who is always sought out and renewed by her Spouse. We must remember that Heaven can be and is found on earth, and we find the Bridegroom in some of the most surprising or repulsive places. In St. John Paul II’s play The Jeweler’s Shop he writes a scene in which a wife who has lost touch with her husband is invited to see the face of the Bridegroom (Jesus) in his face. She cries out in surprise: “I have seen the face I hate and the face I ought to love.” The protagonist replies to her exclamation by saying: “In the Bridegroom’s face each of us finds a similarity to the faces of those with whom love has entangled us on this side of life, of existence. They are all in Him.” (JS II.vi) During those moments or seasons in marriage or daily life when we find love waning in our hearts, let us seek to find the Bridegroom precisely there, for He is surely awaiting our response. Thus, in sickness and health we will rejoice with lighted lamps to greet the Bridegroom whom we have recognized day in and day out during our sojourn on earth.
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